Seattle is a place that looks like home and feels like something new, so we did all my favourite things that I would do at home. We went to bookstores, drank yummy coffee, perused record stores, ate our way through downtown, touched way too many vintage dresses, and stopped at the flower markets (although Grace never lets me buy anything because she says it makes her sad when the flowers die). Felicia said, “Sometimes you don’t know whether you need to get out of your city or if you just need to get out of the city,” and I’ve been taking the time lately to do a bit of both. I’ve always been frustrated in not knowing what it is I really need or having others unable to articulate what they need, but I’ve been learning over and over again that figuring out what we really need is a worthwhile, timely process. If we really knew what we needed, we wouldn’t need anything or anyone else, ya feel?
“I want to stick my net into time and say ‘now’ as men plant flags on the ice and snow and say ‘here’.” – Annie Dillard, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek.
Last week, to say that, “I am here,” was non-existant. I can’t pinpoint you anything on latitude and longitude or really, pinpoint to you at all what last week was like. I’ve been retyping this post trying to find the right metaphor to hide behind, but there’s no other way to say it: having anxiety is shitty. Being someone who is moved by others and simultaneously being too afraid to get out of bed is shitty. Staying home all day and not being able to find rest is shitty. Pretending not to care about things or saying you’re sick instead of telling people what’s actually going on is shitty. Feeling like you’re going to lose everything for no reason at all is shitty.
But on Thursday, I woke up for the first time in what felt like an eternity with zero anxiety. I texted Grace, “LIFE IS SO BEAUTIFUL,” and got a nose piercing, because why the hell not? To say that, “I am here,” right now, means I want to plant my flags in everything. My camera feels insufficient. My pen and journal are futile devices. My hands can’t hold enough. There are so many moments I just want to make permanent. I’m currently living in the pages of Letters to a Young Poet by Rilke, which was recommended to me by someone who’s taste I always hold close to my heart. He writes: “Believe in a love that has been stored up for you like an inheritance.” And that is what I want to do – store up everything around me that I love like it will waterfall into other things later. I want to believe in a love that has been created in this way for me.
So, with that being said, here are some pieces of my inheritance that I have stored up for the past few months:
1. I took my first real solo trip to Amsterdam over the weekend, and it was frustrating, but I also think it was a necessary and important experience for me to have. My luggage didn’t make it with me on the plane, so I had to go a few days with only the things I had in my backpack. I could only buy the bare necessities, because my credit card wasn’t working and I left a majority of my cash in my luggage (super smart, I know), so it was a very minimalistic weekend. Regardless, it was good for me to be alone for a few days. I could take everything in at my own pace. I could process everything on my own time. I’m a lot more emotional when I’m on my own, and I think everyone needs to have the space to feel what they need to feel and stop when they feel overwhelmed. It was annoying dealing with the luggage situation without any help and scary taking on a completely new city without someone by my side, but at the same time, it was also nice to adventure without the pressure of filling time or going to the “must-see” things.
2. The main reason I chose to come to Amsterdam this particular weekend was so I could see one of my favourite artists, Owen Pallett, perform live. He’s been on the top of my list for the past 4 years, and the show was definitely the highlight of my trip. I couldn’t believe how incredible the venue was. The concert was in a small lounge area at the top of the Muziekgebouw aan’t IJ, which is a glass contemporary music space that overlooks the canals of Amsterdam. It was intimate, with couches and hanging lights in the background, and it was probably one of the most beautiful venues I’ve ever been in. I was blown away by how Owen Pallett live loops, swooned by the gentleness and dissonance of his violin fingers, and surprised by his dry sarcasm. The night was cosmic and ethereal, and I’ve never cried at a concert before this, but it happened (like I said, I am much more emotional when I am alone, haha).
3. I was really impressed by the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam, not because there were a bunch of famous paintings, but because it gave a really a visceral perspective on his life. I love the way he paints as if people were made of earth, the way he compared himself to a monk or a nun in his dedication to art, and the way he believed that hands were the most expressive part of the body. My favourite part of the museum was where you could listen to letters that were written between Vincent and his brother Theo, who was his most trusted confidant. You could tell how much he loved his brother, because he spent time picking his words the same way he mixes his paint colours until they are just right.
4. The Amsterdam floating flower market is one of the dreamiest places I’ve ever been to. The first thing I saw were these huge pink floral clouds hanging from the ceilings and I couldn’t believe it was real. Everything smells so fresh, and you can buy just about everything flower- and plant-related… including a Grow-Your-Own-Weed starter kit, ha.
5. I spent most of my time wandering aimlessly through the streets, bridges and canals of the city. Amsterdam is really just a great place to walk through, because every building is so unique, but somehow they all fit together. There are plenty of cafes around to duck into if you’re tired or cold, and I think it’s been the best city I’ve been too aesthetically. You literally can’t go 30 seconds without seeing a bike or something on a bike, which makes everything even cuter, but also more dangerous as a pedestrian, because instead of watching for 2 lanes of car traffic, you have to watch for 4 and sometimes 6, because of the bike lanes and tram lines.
6. The last thing I did in the city was go to the Anne Frank House. It was an incredibly sombering experience, and there was one video of her best friend talking about her experiences with Anne at Auschwitz that really broke my heart. I liked that at the end of it all, there was hope for better things to come – for healing and for things to be different. My favourite quote I heard was this:
“Her would-haves can be our reality. Her would-haves are our opportunities.”
7. The first thing the receptionist said to me when I arrived was, “Be careful of the stairs! They’re dutch!” All the stairs were very steep and narrow, and for the most part, they’re like that in all the buildings in Amsterdam. It makes sense, because all the houses are also very tall and narrow. And when I thought about it a bit more, maybe that’s why the Netherlands have the tallest people in the world (the average for a man is 6 ft!). It’s like how fish grow bigger when they are put in bigger bowls, so I guess this might be true for humans too (but don’t ask me to back up my theory with scientific facts, haha). Maybe if I stayed there a little longer, I would grow taller as well.
1. We arrived in Lisbon without many expectations, because truth be told, we didn’t do much research before arriving. But I definitely fell in love with this beautiful city! Lisbon feels like a tight-knit community with a big city vibe. So much of it reminded me of Barcelona – how laid-back everyone is, the tapa bars everywhere, and a growing art scene. And at the same time, San Francisco comes to mind, because of the trolleys and how everything is built on waves of slopes and stairs. This is a photo of the street we stayed on!
2. We only had a day and a half in the city, so knowing that it would be impossible to see all of it in such a short span of time, we took the trolley from one end to the other to get an overview. It was wonderful to see all the pastel buildings, catch glimpses of the ocean as we rolled along, and then wander back to where we started.
3. Lisbon is definitely not an easy city to walk through. Because of all the hills and unpredictable pathways, we stopped often, but luckily there are so many viewpoints around that there’s always a good place to rest. It seems like as long as you’ve climbed upwards even just a bit, you’ll find a place where you can see the ocean and look at how every brown-orange rooftop has been kissed by the sun. It seemed like most people around us had the same idea and were just hanging out in the sunshine, playing music, and looking out at the horizon (because how can you not when it’s warm enough in December to not need a jacket?!)
4. One thing we noticed while we were wandering through the city was that people would point us in the right direction even when we didn’t ask for help. We were walking down the street, and an old man stopped us and tried to show us something, but he couldn’t speak any English so he kept speaking to us in Portuguese. I loved that even though he knew we couldn’t understand him, he kept trying. Most people give up easily when it’s hard to communicate what they want to say, but I think there is something important about trying anyways.
5. The last night in Lisbon, we had the most delicious dinner, and it was a perfect way to end the trip. I know the starters were just french fries and eggs, but there was something in the sauce that was incredible, and I swear I’m going to come back just to eat those frieds again. I’m so thankful that I had the most beautiful company this week! These girls are some of the most understanding people I have ever met, and it’s so great to find travel companions who are okay with just chilling, but also say, “Yes,” to adventure (and who love food as much as I do!). Thanks for the lovely time!
It probably doesn’t come as a surprise to anyone that I’ve jetted off yet again to another country. I’m doing my last big trip before heading home, but the past few days have been much, much different than the way things have been for the past few months.
1. It’s safe to say that I’m tired. Travelling has been an incredible experience, but going to 5-hour classes Monday through Friday, dragging my luggage to school so I can head to the airport as soon as the weekend hits, and then jam-packing an entire city or even multiple cities into 3-4 days has been overwhelming and leaves me hungover in more ways than one. So it’s been about time that I took a real, down-to-earth vacation and found some rest in the midst of trying to see all of Europe in 3 months.
2. Three days ago, we packed our bags and got on a plane to Lisbon. But before hitting up the big city, we decided to rent a car and road trip to a small surf village called Ericeira. We stayed in an Airbnb facing the ocean, slept in till whenever we wanted, and spent a lot of time relaxing. The first night, our power went out, so we ate a home-cooked dinner by candlelight, wrapped ourselves up in blankets, and drank hot tea. It was the coziest I have been for a long time.
3. Ericeira is evidently a summer town, so during our stay there, it felt absolutely deserted. Despite that, it was still nice to wander the sleepy streets and crooked pathways. A lot of the houses had pure white walls with colourful detailing (kinda how I imagine Greece looks like); others were patterned like ceramic dishes. It was such a quiet, but beautiful place to be.
4. After walking through the Old City, we spent the rest of our afternoon driving along the coast and beach-hopping. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a car, and I forgot how much I love road tripping. There is something different about getting into a car with a bunch of people you love, turning up the music, and going your own way through the countryside. It offers a different perspective of a place, and you have so much more control over where and when you want to go, stay, stop, and leave. We stopped at multiple beaches, climbed a lot of stairs, and watched surfers dance through the waves. I’m always amazed at how brave they are when the waters are freezing and the ocean can be such an unpredictable force.
5. This morning we drove north along the coast to watch waves in Nazaré. Apparently, the waves there get up to 30 meters high!!! The tide wasn’t that crazy when we were there, but we were up on the cliffs and we could still feel the ocean spray on our skin. Again, the little village was dead silent, but I think the raging waters made up for it in movement and noise.
Introducing Esther Park: The other half of the HoPark Collab
Hello! I’m Esther, the Park in the HoPark Collaboration series! Well, clearly, the series hasn’t gone quite as planned, having not kept up with one piece a week, and it’s definitely been my fault. But I hope that even after Rebekah comes back from her exchange, that I can continue and make up for the weeks lost!
Anyways, I’m not much of a writer so I’ll keep this guest post short. This semester has been pretty brutal. I’ve had one too many all nighters, weekly projects, and all for just one course. I’m exhausted and have just felt drained physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Who knew that even the thing that I love to do, design, could bring me so much stress! So the lyrics from Hillsong’s “Bones” came to mind when I was thinking about the content of the typography. First of all, it’s one of my favourite worship songs at the moment and it just resonates with me right now. I’ve felt like a pile of dry bones lately, and need to have some life breathed into me. I also thought it would make for some interesting type, using the content to direct the form. I promise though, there will be more HoPark Collab to come in the future!
I’m taking a break from the writing game for a little bit, but here are some photos from my trip to London. I had the most wonderful time with my roommate, and her gracious friend Stefanie who let me stay at her place the whole weekend with her wonderful housemates! I spent lots of time at the markets and met loads of great people, including this British guy who came up to me on the dance floor, yelled, “WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE LONDON GRIMES?” and then proceeded to freestyle rap at me until his friend dragged him away and apologized for him being too drunk. Cheers to London!